“That’s great, you got a good rest.”
That’s what my husband said on the morning the kids went back to school (aka “The Day of Momentous Parental Joy”), right after I mentioned I hadn’t done any work in the whole month of August. Specifically, I hadn’t written any chapters of my book, and I’m not sure if I actually exercised…
I stood there with my coffee, wondering how I could have been so lazy. But after I stopped the self-criticism spiral, I thought about it some more. Was it true that I hadn’t done any work, or was it that I had done things that were valuable in non-monetary ways?
I’m going to guess you’ve had your own version of this.
Someone tells you to enjoy your break, and you nod and say “of course, I can’t wait to just relax and do nothing!” But you’re already running through everything you need to do before your break, during your break, and after your break. If you’re used to being the giver, a lot of that “everything” is the invisible stuff: the coordinating, the remembering, the dinner, the appointments, the floss. None of it shows up on your schedule, so it’s easy for everyone, including you, to file it under “nothing.”
You know me. You know what I did next. I opened up my journals and made a list of how I had spent my time. Here’s a non-exhaustive summary of the “nothing” I did in August:
- Finished a Korean language immersion bootcamp with my son (I can now speak like a 4-year-old in Korean)
- Planned a family vacation to Spain for 2 weeks (we saw the August 12th total solar eclipse with its stunning golden corona, then ate copious amounts of cheese and pintxos including sea urchin in San Sebastian)
- Went to the BTS concert
- Met 3 close friends for meals (I hadn’t seen them in months)
- Made twice-a-week meals for my parents and had sweet Malaysian coffee with my dad while we recorded funny family memories for their memory book
- Helped my daughter practice riding her bicycle
- Sent the kids to hockey camp
- Set up playdates so my daughter can meet kids in her new school
- Rebalanced my financial portfolio and reaffirmed my retirement goals
- Went through 6 weeks of mail
- Updated my car insurance plan
- Got my level 2 coaching accreditation application in order
- Figured out how to make my beloved iMac go fast again
- Decluttered two kitchen cabinets
After writing this list, I noticed that everything fit into three categories.
Paid work is the most obvious thing that creates value. You work, you get paid. No surprises there. In August, this bucket was empty.
Invisible work is everything that keeps your life running smoothly: the mail, the insurance, the portfolio, the cabinets. It has real value, otherwise you wouldn’t pay someone else to do it for you. Sometimes I resent it. But when I looked at my August list, some of my invisible work was a keep. I enjoy rebalancing my own portfolio and setting up a spreadsheet to keep my spending in order (go ahead–call me a nerd).
This is where my Simplicity Filter Framework comes in. I call the invisible work I can eliminate, delegate, or automate an “easy-no,” and I found three things I did in August that were candidates for optimization. I typically batch my mail and go through it only once a month, so it’s one sitting instead of a daily chore. I asked my daughter to design a cute “No Junk Mail” sign to decrease the mail volume, and also cancelled two magazines (I can read them online). I decluttered two kitchen cabinets, which I could teach one of my kids to do next time. Decluttering my kitchen cabinet helped me realize I could stop buying more tea! I also could have used an auto insurance app to compare insurance plans to make my renewal a bit easier, and then automate my insurance renewal. It turns out that I have a live person I could directly email in case I want to change my insurance plan in the future. I could have reached my answer much faster. Noted.
An easy-no doesn’t mean the task disappears. It means it stops costing me the same time and attention each time the task comes up.
Free time is where you spend what the first two buckets create. I think of free time, and how you spend it, as a non-monetary form of wealth. In August I spent mine on a Korean language bootcamp with my son, a total solar eclipse, the BTS concert, and coffee with my dad. Nobody paid me to do any of it, but I did it because it mattered to me, and it improved my health, my relationships, or my contribution to others. That feels like a wealthy life!
All three buckets are connected. Paid work and invisible work make the time and the money, and free time is how you spend them.
How to appreciate and value the different forms of wealth in your life
Try this tonight (20 minutes)
- Open last month’s calendar or your camera roll.
- List everything you did, paid or not, including the invisible coordinating time
- Tag each item: paid work, invisible work, free time
- Look at your invisible work one task at a time. Do you want to keep doing that task? If yes, keep it without guilt. If not, could you eliminate, automate, or delegate that item?
- Then look at your free time. How did you “spend your wealth?” Did you improve your physical/emotional/financial health? Your relationships? Your sense of contribution?
If you’re stuck on step 4 and can’t tell which tasks to keep and which are an easy-no, I’d love to help you sort it out. Book a free 30-minute strategy call with me using the link below!
