When you were growing up, what did your parents model for you regarding the division of household chores? Was it equal? Was it divided amongst gendered expectations? Or did one parent manage it all?
I grew up with an older sister and a younger brother.
My parents divided chores based on age appropriate skill levels. There was no differentiation of tasks for girls or tasks for boys. We all knew what days of the week were our turn to wash the dishes. My family had a huge lawn. Twice a week in the summer, I mowed the lawn outside of the fence, my brother mowed inside the fence, and my sister trimmed the beds and did the weeding.
Helping out was normalized. We weren’t paid any allowance.
Do kids even help out with chores these days? Or are their schedules too busy with extra-curricular activities? Looking back at my childhood, I realize that doing those chores helped me become more independent and reliable. I knew how to cook when I lived on my own. I knew how to separate and fold laundry. I knew how to budget.
It’s very hard to break patterns of what we saw growing up. And if you have a partner, you’re potentially combining two sets of norms.
But that doesn’t mean that you can’t create new patterns in your own family. What are family chores really? They are necessary tasks for the household to run smoothly AND a chance for character building. Chores are not default yours to handle. Yes, this applies to you even if you “only work part-time” or if you “can do things faster.”
If you start your kids young, they actually find it so fun to help out. Not only do they learn dexterity by holding onto slippery objects when washing dishes or math skills when cooking and baking, they get a sense of accomplishment from contributing to the household.
Yes, it’s messy, slow, and often frustrating. And messy. So messy.
You could do the same thing in a fraction of the time! I know it’s tempting to do it all on your own when your to-do list is long and you want to just move on to the next thing. But the short-term gain is not worth the long-term loss.
Or maybe you decide to outsource the household management to someone else entirely. It’s up to you (and your partner–if you have one) to decide how much to take on and how much to delegate or outsource. But why not take advantage of the natural benefits of family learning and ease the load for everyone by sharing the tasks? Really! Think of it as a favour for your future kid.
Now what if your partner isn’t on board? Or if you feel you have to nag and remind everyone to get something done?
Well, I’m a coach and not a god. I would need to crowd source the answer for that one!
Question: “What tasks might you teach your kids to take on? What might they learn from helping out?
