What did you love to do BEFORE you became a doctor? Do you remember that version of yourself?
Does “clinician, teacher, and researcher” encapsulate your wanted identities? If they do, and you wholeheartedly love medicine today as much as you did on the first day of anatomy class, then you have chosen so well! I’m sincerely happy for you.
But what about the rest of you?
What did you do BEFORE you became a mother? Does that person still show up fully? Or has attending to the needs of your children and the busy-ness of your household meant that you’ve had to de-prioritize a part of yourself that you truly love?
After taking care of your physical and emotional vitality and your need for strong relationships, the last great life bucket is contribution. The Japanese call this idea “ikigai”—that which gives your life purpose. Most people don’t stop to answer this question: “am I contributing meaningfully and aligned with my skills and gifts?” Most people don’t go there because it’s uncomfortable. It’s easier to stay the course.
Credit Jonathan Fields
Many assume that medicine, the work of helping people when they are sick and in pain, is meaningful. It wasn’t easy for you to step forward during the pandemic, especially when so many others stepped back. You cared for the sick. You homeschooled when needed. You held onto everything with superhero strength.
Now what? Are you still happy with what remains? Do you get up every morning and feel ready to contribute?
If the answer is no, don’t be disheartened. The answer is, sadly, no for most people. But if you are willing to reflect on how intentionally you spend your week and are open to the idea of small changes, that’s an amazing first step.
If you attend to your health first and create quality time to ritually recharge daily and weekly in a way that you love, then the time you give to your loved ones (and your patients! and work colleagues!) will seem less tense and transactional. Even if the healthcare system is just as bad or even worse than it is today, and even if your kids complain that they don’t like your rules–when your personal buckets are full, you will see others differently. Then, when you’ve taken care of your needs, ask whether you are contributing meaningfully to those around you.
I can’t wait to hear what ideas flow from you then!
Question: What would it feel like to know your needs are filled first? Comment below!
