If you’ve ever read the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by law professor Amy Chua, you’ll have a good idea of the type of mother I thought I would be. I had dreams of my kids speaking four languages, being great readers, being skilled at the violin, and of course excelling at the best schools and being super sporty.
But ever since I had a conversation one night with a group of fellow doctors, I have gone all sorts of rogue on this way of parenting.
Me: “So, what’s your daughter into these days?”
Colleague: “She’s taking tap and ballet, learning the piano, taking art lessons—she’s in an extra-curricular activity pretty much every day. Some days she does two activities! What about your son?”
Me: “I’ve been focusing on his sleep habits and making sure he eats a wide variety of foods. I really want to emphasize the stability of dinner together.”
Colleague: (gaasssssp) “That’s it? Don’t you want him to be a doctor?!!”
Me: “Uhm….no. Not really. What if he doesn’t like medicine? And even if he was interested in medicine, he doesn’t need to pad his CV with skills to compete.”
Colleague: “I think medicine is the best profession for a woman.”
Me: “But what if your daughter doesn’t like medicine? And doesn’t your wife find being the chauffeur tiresome sometimes? That’s a lot of extra-curricular activities…”
Colleague: “My daughter LOVES her activities! YOU’RE WRONG!”
I can laugh at this exchange now, but I was pretty piping hot in my mind at the time. “Am not!” was not far from my lips!
The residual tiger mother in me is a skills hog. I admit my ego does have to forcibly stray from that mentality. But I much prefer whalebone parenting. I encourage a structure of habits that are non-negotiable (the bones) and some areas to explore and play (the blubber).
But here are my non-negotiables for parenting success and they form my family motto:
“Sleep well. Eat well. Exercise. Learn. Gratitude. Play. Love yourself.”
And instead of being their chauffeur, I choose to be unshakable and grounded in my own confidence as their mother. They can be strong because I show them that I am strong and happy in my own right. That’s who I want them to see.
And then, I’ll get out of their way as they decide their own visions of success.
Question: What is your vision of success as a mother?
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