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As a mother and a doctor, I know you are sometimes worried and afraid, overwhelmed and overstretched. But your families depend on you to be their foundation. You're imperfect. And that's okay.
Because you are something better.
You're whole, fierce, and unshakeable.
ALL RECENT POSTS:
Women in demanding medical fields are stuck between external systemic pressures and also a real need for self-preservation. In my case, emerg docs are measured on their speed. Pay for performance. Pay for speed. Of course, we’re also measured on the time it takes to see the patient time to discharge, patients seen per hour, […]
Hmmmm….. I’m actually not bothered when people tell me no. I am also not bothered by saying no to someone’s request. But I know lots of people who find this hard to do. The first question that comes to mind is: “is it so bad to disappoint others?” Because that’s a given, right? If someone […]
The other day, one of the senior emergency residents (who is very comfortable with cardiology, resuscitation, respirology, ICU, and advanced procedures), admitted during a shift that his knowledge of orthopedics was “not great.” He asked his staff to go over xrays with him and walk him through a basic radial gutter slab–something that a third […]
The good enough mother is both “good” and “enough.” I remember saying this to a small group of women. We were discussing how difficult it was to say no–EVEN WHEN WE WANTED TO SAY NO. More than one of us started to cry. When did “good enough” stop being good enough? If I saw you […]
There is a scene from the movie “Stepmom” that just….arghhhh! Even though I wasn’t a mother when I saw it, it made me cry. Mothers are the keystones of a healthy family. It can feel like a thankless invisible burden sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. So my journal prompt for you is this: Think […]
When I first heard Brené Brown talk about shame, I did not identify shame as being the root cause of my burnout. After all, control is just my way of being efficient. And sure, I criticize and blame other people (when they do stupid things). Okay, and yes I compare. But who doesn’t? I’m working […]
Have you read this beautiful essay by Bronnie Ware? Bronnie worked with palliative care patients and wanted to share the universal stories of regret from those at the end of their lives. Write down your regrets. Keep this list in front of you, because you can use these regrets to be guide posts for your […]
There is no quick fix to burnout. You are not responsible for the holes in the healthcare system. I hope this is obvious. It’s okay to feel angry that medical culture penalizes those who choose to be mothers. It does extract an unfair toll. Expectations for mothers are unrealistic. You know this. I don’t need […]
Until now, I’ve asked you to subtract things from your to-do list in order to make space. That involves saying no a lot. Certainly, it can feel very brave to say no when everyone else expects you to say yes. But it can also feel very brave to say yes when every part of you […]
In her TED talk, “The Power of Vulnerability” Brené Brown talks about the common view that vulnerability is weakness. Vulnerability, which she defines as emotional exposure without the ability to control the outcome, is actually the strongest indicator of courage. Credit: Dr. Brené Brown, TEDx Houston If you, a mother-doctor, are strong and healthy, your […]
