The good enough mother is both “good” and “enough.”
I remember saying this to a small group of women. We were discussing how difficult it was to say no–EVEN WHEN WE WANTED TO SAY NO.
More than one of us started to cry.
When did “good enough” stop being good enough?
If I saw you struggle, of course I would try to support and encourage you.
I wouldn’t care if your home was messy when I visited.
I’m totally fine with ordering takeout so you can relax too.
I don’t care if your ponytail is askew and you have sweat boob.
Life is hard.
I know you’re doing your best.
But if you come to my home…you can bet that right up until the moment I open the door, I’ve been cleaning the house and making sure everything is tidy. I still struggle with this even though I know all the reasons why I don’t need things to be perfect. This is the work I do and I still have to catch myself!
Why?!
There is a cognitive bias called the “truth illusory effect” in which humans tend to believe something is true after repeated exposure of the messaging. You hear it so often, you want it to be true–even if you end up hurting yourself in the process of making it come true.
Women need to be nice.
Women need to be caring.
Women need to be warm.
Women need to love being moms.
Women need to react with warmth when their kids have big feelings.
Supermoms.
Working moms.
Yummy mummies.
You get the picture.
The truth is not in the extremes. There is no need for perfection. Nor is there any need to label yourself a “bad mom” if you don’t match the picture above. You are not perfect. You are not bad. You are a person who is stumbling along through life just like the rest of us.
But if you keep holding onto the ILLUSION of truth–that those trivial aspects of life need to look a certain way–then you won’t have nearly enough coffee spoons to measure out your life, will you?
Question: “what illusion of truth do you need to let go to find your self worth?”
