As a busy mother and professional, you’re used to handling a lot of tasks and roles.
Even if things aren’t done efficiently, there are still many tasks on your “to-do-list” pile that you tend to own.
Am I right?
For most of my life, I’ve been the “responsible child.” When I got married, I naturally did things without being asked. My love language is acts of service.
And when it all became too much, I went through all the stages:
Nose-to-the-ground coffee-fueled overdrive mode high-efficiency multi-tasking-hypomania
Frustation at others (why can’t anyone else see all the work that needs to get done??! is the laundry hamper invisible? do people think toilet paper grows like mushrooms??!)
Anger
Resignation. “Fine, I’ll just do this then…”
Petty household work “strikes”
Nonsensical consequences…
And in the process, I started to behave in ways I didn’t like.
The truth is, I’m not a relaxo kind of person. Clutter makes my brain malfunction. I will likely always have the lower threshold to pick something off the ground or to straighten a messy corner.
So I learned a few lessons that helped me handle my mental load and finally lead me to where I am now, on the brink of a sabbatical year.
The first lesson I’ll share is this:
If I felt something REALLY had to be done in a specific way, then I owned those tasks WITHOUT RESENTMENT.
Some things just aren’t important to other people. And I can’t control that.
I can only control what I do.
I can make this list of “ME-ONLY” tasks very short (so as to not overwhelm myself and to maintain equanimity).
Or I can delegate the task to someone who completes it exactly the way I like.
A good example of this is making my bed.
I like sharp hospital corners, puffed up pillows, and cozy quilts. I basically treat my bed like an oasis! I like my bed to be neat and tidy before I start my day since it helps me transition to the energy of daily discipline. When I make my bed, it’s a reminder of the person I want to be each day.
Call it a quirk.
Call it unnecessary.
Judge me if you want.
I’m still making my bed because it puts me in the right headspace to win my day. And this is how I explained it to my husband and kids.
My kids’ beds? Messy. Sometimes undone.
When they don’t make their bed, I just leave it.
I close the door.
It’s their space.
But (and here’s the fascinating part), once I stopped expecting others to make my bed according to my exacting standards, slowly my kids decided to make their bed. Each day it gets tidier and tidier. And (I feel a tear coming here)–is that an attempt at a hospital corner?!!
Even my husband now likes to tuck in our quilt just so…
Question: “what is a short list of tasks that you will you own without resentment?”
