As women and doctors, it’s safe to say that you are comfortable giving advice. Often.
While I’m sure your patients appreciate your efforts to help guide them with the best medical practices, what about when you interact with your colleagues and friends in social settings or on social media? Can you refrain from giving advice when it’s not explicitly solicited?
Take this scenario for instance.
Your Friend: “Ugh, I’m so burnt out! There aren’t enough hours in the day!”
You: “Get a housekeeper. Get a nanny.”
OR
Your Friend: “My partner and I are thinking of having a third kid. It might seem chaotic especially with my long work hours, but we’ve always loved the idea of a big family…”
You: “No why?! Two kids are perfect.”
Yes. I got the nanny advice a lot. And I might have offered the “two-kid” advice myself a few times. Or more. What can I say? I’m a slow learner of mistakes.
I know that you love helping others. Maybe that’s how you show you care. And when your advice is requested, please share what you’ve learned with others.
I’m only saying I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to giving advice WITHOUT CONTEXT. When I’ve given advice in the past, I realize I’ve given it through the lens of my own point of view. I was not respecting the other person’s reality nor their wishes. When my kids were small, I tried hiring a nanny. But I hated the lack of privacy and didn’t love the idea of someone unrelated to me raising my child. That’s me. It might not be you.
And I don’t know how many people I offended by telling them two kids were perfect. Maybe the answer for them was zero. Or four! Again, I’m not the one to say.
Advising without context breeds a subtle comparisonitis that we can all do without. As women, we should be building up our friends and community, not living as if our way is the only way or the right way.
Question: When have you regretted giving advice? How will you change your actions in the future?
