You might call it work life balance or work life integration, but in the end, it’s a function of wanting to be great in two areas that compete—motherhood and a career in medicine. To be in two places at once. Maybe, like me, you have even wished to be cloned so that you could handle everything you needed to do in the day!
When I was burnt out, I often felt resentful when I saw that other people “had it all…” And by all, I didn’t mean big houses, fancy cars, or titles. I meant: help with the home, stable childcare for unforeseen emergencies, food preparation help, time to work on side projects, time to read uninterrupted, time to exercise, time to play, time to get a good night’s sleep, help with eldercare…
I knew, more than felt, that doing all of that wasn’t right for me. Yet I still chased it because I felt I needed to own those tasks.
When I was an emergency resident, I was very keen on aerospace medicine. I remember meeting an astronaut along with his tween kids at summer space camp (yes, that is a real thing, but a story for another day)! The astronaut had a stellar career by all measures of success—doctor, astronaut, lived in space, university chancellor, fancy titles, schools named after him—you name it.
But I’ll never forget his face when his daughter said, “well…we don’t really know our father—he was away so often.”
It was then that I realized that men can’t have it all either. They also pay a price with their choices.
Nobody can have it all.
As a mother and a doctor, you are surrounded by unexpressed expectations to manage your family life and career, but also to be in shape and be unflappable in the face of crises. And to manage lots of invisible tasks.
These are expectations that you can ignore. Why not define your own expectations for what success looks like to you? Define 3-4 foundational pillars that are key to helping you build your dream life.
Then let go of the rest.
Question: What are your 3-4 non-negotiable pillars to create your great life? Share it in the comments!
